Reasons Why I Am Single

I Don’t Want To Be Single

Those who know me know that I am single…

And I don’t want to be.

When I say that I don’t want to be single, most people assume that I am unhappy in my current situation and that I think I need a man. Let’s clear this up… I’m not running around asking guys to date me, nor am I so desperate to find a match that I would just settle for anything. I am happy with my current situation. I am happy with myself. But, I also want to share my happiness with somebody else. I want a partner and a role model for my children. And I want somebody who will be there long after the children move out. God didn’t create people to be alone.

When I talk about not wanting to be single, I’m not looking for somebody to tell me that I am pretty* or a great woman and that I will find somebody one day. I don’t want to be told that I should focus on my children. And I don’t want to be made to feel bad for wanting a relationship.

(*Sidenote: I really hate when people say this because I feel like that puts my worth on my beauty and goes against everything I believe in.)

Online Dating – Been There. Done That.

So, I recently joined eHarmony… It only lasted about 2 months. (Sidenote: I DO NOT recommend them at all!) I was very specific with what I wanted based on the questions they asked. They told me to lower my standards in order to get some matches.

So I did.

And the matches just weren’t working. For one, people rarely responded to messages. There is no way to see when somebody was last active. And I was getting matched with everything I did NOT want.

I know that my circumstances aren’t for everyone. I know that I am what some people do not want. I have kids… I have kids with special needs. I have never been married. And my children don’t share the same father. All that aside, I’ve been thinking about reasons why I am really single. The reasons that sometimes hurt to think about.

Reasons Why I Am Really Single

Reasons Why I am Single by Aduke Schulist

This is what I have come up with… These are the real reasons I am single.. and what I am working on changing (or not).

I’m not outspoken. I don’t speak up for myself and I don’t have a demanding personality. I am very shy which sometimes comes across as being rude or uninterested.

I lack self-esteem (to a certain extent) and fear approaching guys who I think are too good for me. In fact, I don’t approach any guys. I believe in traditional rules saying the guy should ask the girl.

I am too independent. I haven’t ever had somebody to help me do things and it is hard to relinquish some of those roles.

I’m comfortable being single and refuse to settle. I’m not picky, but I know my limits and what I won’t tolerate (abuse, cheating, etc)

I don’t meet new people. The majority of the things I do involve the same small crowds and I have been content with that.

I’ve changed as a person over the years (haven’t we all?!) and I’ve grown into myself and what I believe. I am very passionate in some of these beliefs. I am myself and I’m unapologetic for it.

I want a real relationship, not just some hookup or somebody to do fun things with but have no commitment.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Knowing all of those things, I have some goals to work towards like getting out to meet new people and opening myself up to rejection.

While I have blogged some about being single (mostly focusing on single parenting), I haven’t ever really opened up and shared the genuine struggle that is being a single parent in search of marriage. As I walk this journey I invite you all to read along and share your thoughts or tips.

 

 

5 Vloggers Who Inspire Me

5 Vloggers Who Inspire Me

When I started my vlog channel Aduke Schulist (previously known as Life As A Convert), I didn’t realize how big vlogging already was – or just how big it was going to get. Fast forward a few years, and it seems like everybody is a YouTuber. It’s way too easy to get lost in a sea of subscribe buttons, so I’ve picked out 5 of my favorite vloggers who inspire me to share with you.

Once you have subscribed to my YouTube channel, check out these 5 vloggers who inspire me:

Jesus loving, make up guru, Charis, and her handsome husband Jacob, are some of the first Christian YouTubers I came across. I was pleasantly surprised with how open and unapologetic Charis was/is about her religion. She adores Disney and has such a sweet personality. If you like fashion, Jesus, and relationship goals then you will like her channel.

I came across Julien’s channel in the same manner a lot of other people probably did, through Jenna’s, but he is so much more than Jenna’s boyfriend. His videography skills are amazing and his passion for vlogging shows through in each of his vlogs.

Fellow hairy girl, Alyse seems to share a lot of personality traits with myself. She is adventurous with her body and not afraid to step away from what is deemed normal. Her videos focus on her journey to becoming a better her through health and lifestyle choices.

This family is still new to me, but they quickly became one of my favorites. All too often people want to fake their life for YouTube views, but this family keeps it real, shares it all, and invites you to watch along. They are a Mormon family traveling the world with their 9 (yes NINE!) children and also have a heart for adoption.

Past contestant of Canadian Idol, Mikey has been gaining a lot of popularity lately because of his “I Wear Speedos” parody, but his talent has been around YouTube for a while. I found him after one of his acapella songs. His vlogs are just as enjoyable as his singing. He shares uplifting messages and has a contagious optimistic personality.

If the saying “You are who you hang around is true” then I am miserably failing. I am not nearly as cool, or successful, as these vloggers. Then again, these are just some of my favorite internet peoples.

Who are some of your favorite vloggers? 

Main Street Searcy Farmers’ Market Favorites

Main Street Searcy Farmers’ Market Favorites

There’s something sweet about getting up early on a Saturday morning and heading to the local Farmers’ Market. Our local farmers’ market is pretty tiny (usually less than 20 vendors total), but the goodies make it worth it.

Farmers' Market Favorites - Main Street Searcy Certified

Home Baked Goodies

I gotta admit, I’m terrible when it comes to shopping at the farmers’ market. I think most of my money goes toward the home baked goodies. I just can’t resist!

Oatmeal Cream Pies - Wildflour Bakery Searcy

The vendors have the cutest booths set up and the home baked goodies all look delicious. It’s hard to decide which ones to get. These oatmeal cream pies from Wildflour Bakery were delicious. Aybra finished hers before we even finished shopping.

We ended up getting half a dozen macarons – one of my favorite treats ever – from Joyful Macarons. The pistachio was probably my favorite. Kaia liked the strawberry/blueberry cheesecake (blue and red one pictured) because it looked patriotic.

Macarons - Sunday Morning Breakfast

And you can’t forget the bread. Seriously, the first thing my kids said when I told them we were going to the Farmers’ Market was “Get bread!”

Willowbrook Farm - Homemade Bread Searcy

Willowbrook Farm is our go to for bread at the Farmers’ Market. Her recipe is very similar to mine, but with the added bonus of me not having to make it.

Health and Body Care

My next favorite item at the Farmers’ Market is the health and body care selections available from various vendors. You can find everything from shampoo bars to lip balm, and even soap.

Homemade Soap Bars - Ladybug Creations Searcy

Peppermint and Lavender are my favorite scents for soap, but I didn’t get any soap today. Instead, I got a jar of lemongrass body scrub from a local 4-H family. It smells amazing and I can’t wait to use it.

Produce

I think when most people think of Farmers’ Markets they think of the locally grown produce, right? While our market has a few vendors that sell meats and eggs, the fruits and veggies are where it’s at.

Arkansas Grown Okra

You can’t go to a store and get okra that was picked the previous day. I’ve heard of some people selling store bought produce at farmers’ market, but I can almost bet everything at my local one is genuinely locally grown and fresh. I ended up getting some green bell peppers. I planned on chopping and freezing any that we didn’t eat soon, but I’m not sure if they will last long.

Looks like we will be heading back for more produce next Saturday, especially since it helps me on my quest to being healthier.

What are some of your favorite things to get from the Farmers’ Market?  

Hey, It’s Okay

This is a collab and linkup with Airing My Laundry. She got the idea from Glamour magazine. You can add your links until Sunday.

Hey, It’s Okay

Hey, It's Okay to do these things a little bit differently... #motivation

  • to sleep in on a weekday. We homeschool!
  • to leave the laundry unfolded for 2…..weeks.
  • to have hot dogs for lunch two days in a row.
  • to keep an eye on your kids’ social media profiles.
  • to spend a little too much time on YouTube.
  • to WANT to date as a single mom.
  • to say no to a friend who needs help if you can’t provide the help they need.
  • to not feel guilty for saying no.
  • to have no idea what you are going to cook for dinner at 4pm.
  • to drink out of the milk jug.. Oops!
  • to have no clue what you are doing as a Boy Scout mom.

In a world where we are pressured to fit in and be perfect, what are you okay with doing differently? 

Don’t forget to leave your links at Airing My Laundry’s blog.

 

First Impressions of the KonMari Method

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First Impressions of the KonMari Method

From a young age I was interested in organizing things and I liked my space to be tidy. I grew up with 3 sisters and my room was always the tidiest.

While I didn’t have a hoarder’s amount of belongings, I did have organized clutter. As I got older and collected more and more stuff, it felt like a never ending cycle of decluttering. I would go room by room and get everything neatly organized and within a few weeks or months it was back to disarray.

First Impression of the KonMari method and a BEFORE of my house

Making My House A Home

Currently, I live in an older style rental house with terrible floors and wood paneled walls. Everything is outdated, from the floor to the ceiling. I like the layout and the space the house gives my family, but cosmetically, it is lacking. This year I am really working on making my house a home and updating it as much as I can as a renter. I previously blogged about how I re-did my laundry room and bathroom, but now it’s time for the rest of the house.

As I get to the bigger rooms I notice they need a lot more than just a fresh coat of paint. They need the KonMari method. This is a peek into my older son’s bedroom. As you can see, it has turned into a storage room of sorts since he hasn’t been sleeping in there.

Cluttered bedroom before decluttering and organizing using the KonMari method

The #1 Recommended Method

I noticed a trend on Facebook of people asking for advice on how to declutter and one common answer was among all threads. The book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying-Up  by Marie Kondo, AKA the KonMari method.

I got my hands on a copy of it within a few days, read it quickly, and couldn’t wait to get started. Her method of decluttering and tidying up takes you category by category instead of room by room.

The KonMari method takes somewhat of a minimalist approach where you keep only things that bring you joy. Even though I had just made over my laundry room and gotten rid of a lot of things, I realized I held onto items that could have gone. As I was reading, I was thinking of all the things that were stored in there that I didn’t actually need or want.

Putting The Method Into Action

While I am following her advice and using a majority of the KonMari method rules, I am not going category by category for everything. I have started in my living/dining room and oldest son’s bedroom with the items that I KNEW I could get rid of with no problems. So far this is working. I am even making some money off of selling all the items that are no longer taking up space in my house.

Okay, technically they are still taking up space, but only temporarily. I have the middle of my living room designated as the place to put all items that will be finding a new home.

Decluttering using KonMari method - Things to get rid of

As a busy single mom – that just started a new year of homeschool – I don’t have a lot of time to do the entire house at once, but I am slowly getting there. I can’t wait until my house is in order and actually tidy! I already notice a change just from the things I’ve already done – Hello, less dusting!

I’m excited to finish so I can show you guys some before/afters.

What are your tips for decluttering and tidying-up a house?