Reasons Why I Am Single

Reasons Why I am Single by Aduke Schulist
I Don’t Want To Be Single

Those who know me know that I am single…

And I don’t want to be.

When I say that I don’t want to be single, most people assume that I am unhappy in my current situation and that I think I need a man. Let’s clear this up… I’m not running around asking guys to date me, nor am I so desperate to find a match that I would just settle for anything. I am happy with my current situation. I am happy with myself. But, I also want to share my happiness with somebody else. I want a partner and a role model for my children. And I want somebody who will be there long after the children move out. God didn’t create people to be alone.

When I talk about not wanting to be single, I’m not looking for somebody to tell me that I am pretty* or a great woman and that I will find somebody one day. I don’t want to be told that I should focus on my children. And I don’t want to be made to feel bad for wanting a relationship.

(*Sidenote: I really hate when people say this because I feel like that puts my worth on my beauty and goes against everything I believe in.)

Online Dating – Been There. Done That.

So, I recently joined eHarmony… It only lasted about 2 months. (Sidenote: I DO NOT recommend them at all!) I was very specific with what I wanted based on the questions they asked. They told me to lower my standards in order to get some matches.

So I did.

And the matches just weren’t working. For one, people rarely responded to messages. There is no way to see when somebody was last active. And I was getting matched with everything I did NOT want.

I know that my circumstances aren’t for everyone. I know that I am what some people do not want. I have kids… I have kids with special needs. I have never been married. And my children don’t share the same father. All that aside, I’ve been thinking about reasons why I am really single. The reasons that sometimes hurt to think about.

Reasons Why I Am Really Single

Reasons Why I am Single by Aduke Schulist

This is what I have come up with… These are the real reasons I am single.. and what I am working on changing (or not).

I’m not outspoken. I don’t speak up for myself and I don’t have a demanding personality. I am very shy which sometimes comes across as being rude or uninterested.

I lack self-esteem (to a certain extent) and fear approaching guys who I think are too good for me. In fact, I don’t approach any guys. I believe in traditional rules saying the guy should ask the girl.

I am too independent. I haven’t ever had somebody to help me do things and it is hard to relinquish some of those roles.

I’m comfortable being single and refuse to settle. I’m not picky, but I know my limits and what I won’t tolerate (abuse, cheating, etc)

I don’t meet new people. The majority of the things I do involve the same small crowds and I have been content with that.

I’ve changed as a person over the years (haven’t we all?!) and I’ve grown into myself and what I believe. I am very passionate in some of these beliefs. I am myself and I’m unapologetic for it.

I want a real relationship, not just some hookup or somebody to do fun things with but have no commitment.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Knowing all of those things, I have some goals to work towards like getting out to meet new people and opening myself up to rejection.

While I have blogged some about being single (mostly focusing on single parenting), I haven’t ever really opened up and shared the genuine struggle that is being a single parent in search of marriage. As I walk this journey I invite you all to read along and share your thoughts or tips.

 

 

Author: Aduke Schulist

Aduke Schulist is a 30 something content creator living in the heart of Arkansas. She enjoys blogging, vlogging, and spending way too much time on social media. Aduke is a big fan of true crime documentaries and advocating for people with special needs. You can find Aduke on social media as @AdukeSchulist.

24 thoughts on “Reasons Why I Am Single”

  1. Completely get it! You can very much not want to be single but also happy in life. Your not looking for a man ‘to make you happy in life’ but instead, a man ‘to share your happiness with in life’.
    Don’t settle! Why should you! You deserve what your willing to give…
    X

  2. I would hate to have to venture into the dating world. So much has changed since I was single. I hope you are able to find your Prince Charming soon.

  3. I am also single and I also don’t want to be. I am in the process of improving myself and meeting new people. Not sure about online dating tho.

    1. To me, the same people you meet in real life are the ones online, but with online (especially if you are friends on social media) you have a chance to see some of their views they may not share when dating. It makes weeding them out easier 🙂

  4. I am sorry to hear this but believe me it’s not you it is a real lack of good people out there! I am married (sorry not trying to rub it in) but even then I can’t seem to talk to any blokes without them talking to me like just some sex object! I do get what you mean about sharing things too as I was a single mother for 5 years before I met my husband. I hope you find that special someone soon.

  5. There is truth to everything you said. I often find those faults in myself, but I was blessed enough to find my life partner. The right guy will come along for you someday.

  6. Those may not be the real reasons as to why you’re single. Maybe you are thinking about it too hard. Just let it come natural and it will hit you in the butt when you’re not looking. LOL

  7. I can relate to what you wrote about. I am single and I feel it is so hard to find someone based on what I want. I may not be shy and often times make the first move, I feel most man lack maturity.

  8. I’ve been single for years and also get tired of the “But you’re so pretty!” comments. I’m glad someone else gets what it’s like to be single by choice yet not always want to be alone.

  9. When I was single my friends and family (and myself included) thought I would be forever that way. I never had a serious relationship. I was very independent. I didn’t go out and party or go to bars, where people “meet” other people. I am also VERY blunt. Very quirky. And can be a handful and the “life of the party” (if I ever am in social settings) and that either turns people off or intimidates them. So you know what I did? I turned to TINDER. But honestly, I went on Tinder because I wanted to just F with dudes. Get attention. You know? What everyone is on Tinder… HOWEVER… One evening (I could legit tell you the exact date and time – lol)… My husband and I swiped right. The weirdest feeling came over me. I was instantly attracted to him. And let me be frank when I say, I AM THE PICKIEST GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET……. I did not have sex for 5 years because I AM THAT PICKY (and I don’t drink, so yeah, I don’t lose my consciousness – lol). — And well, the rest is history. I never set out to LOOK for my husband. It just happened. And I think that’s the problem a lot of women face. THEY WANT IT AND SEARCH FOR IT and get disappointed. Women need to focus on themselves and their careers and what makes them happy. The second they do that, that’s when other aspects of life will fall right into place.

  10. Am not sure why many are feeling pressured of becoming single. Its the most fantastic stage of life! Enjoy it. And dont rush on things.

  11. Girl I feel you! I’m newly single, and what I’m learning is that I need to figure out what I want out of relationships and out of a guy. It’s okay to want someone to do life with – totally agree with you there 🙂

  12. I am single, but I am not a parent. However, I know from hearing about others’ experiences that being a single parent is very tough and demanding. So, kudos to you for not just settling for anyone to raise your child with you! I, too, even though I am not a parent, have wanted to be in a relationship for a very long time. However, as recently as two months ago, I realized that I am content being single and not so much yearning for a relationship. This is because I believe God has made me realize that a.) I don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and fulfilled in life. b.) I can serve and help people better now that I am single, rather than having to check in with my significant other all the time to know whether I can do something or not. I hope that if you find someone, you will find joy and fulfillment, but if you don’t, I hope you will still find joy and fulfillment in the fact that you did the best you could in life.

  13. You knowing your situation and being comfortable with it is half of the battle. I truly believe everyting happens in it’s own time. Keep doing what your are doing, enjoy your life as it is and if one day Prince Charming walks in, let him take you to dinner!

  14. I really love the fact that you’re happy being single. The right person will eventually come along but, patience is key. The best things do take time, unfortunately, but they’re well worth the wait! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this!

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