Health, Heartbreak, and Weight Management Clinic

I would give anything to be fat again. You know, as fat as I once was when I thought I was fat. I’d love to be that fat again. I’ve been thinking about my weight a lot lately and I’ve gained a LOT of it in the past 5 years. I am the heaviest I have ever been and it doesn’t feel good.

I used to think this was fat
I used to think this was fat.

I don’t have many clothes that fit me. And by fit, I mean wearable in general. I literally have 3 pairs of jeans that will button and a handful of shirts that fit. None of my clothes are flattering, but I refuse to buy “fat” clothes.

I keep telling myself that once I get down a few sizes I will buy myself some new clothes, but so far that hasn’t happened. I don’t feel great about myself, but I don’t feel completely unattractive either. What I do feel is unhealthy. And that concerns me.

Health

Not only am I concerned about my own health, I am concerned about my children’s health too. My daughter recently had some lab work done and the results were not what I expected. Her fasting labs indicated out of control diabetes, but a more recent check showed everything to be just fine. While we try to figure out exactly what is going on and why such big discrepancies, we started seeing a weight management clinic.

Weight Management Clinic at Arkansas Children's Hospital

I feel like this is the equivalent to fat camp. Just how overweight do you have to be to get sent to a weight management clinic? For my daughter it is 42 pounds. With a birth weight of only 1 pound and 9 ounces, many would find this alarming. Her doctor has been monitoring her since birth and we have discussed her weight and other markers previously. Her doctor told me that because of her low birth weight, her body was probably shocked and thus holding onto every bit of weight it can.

Heartbreak…

That brings me to the heartbreak part of this post. I’ve always made it a point to tell my children positive things about themselves. I know firsthand how devastating comments can be, especially regarding your physical appearance and things that can’t be changed within 10 seconds.

We’ve discussed healthy habits and what we need to do to be healthy, but we have never actually discussed losing weight. I never want to make my kids feel like they aren’t good enough or that they are flawed in any way. I tell them they are perfect exactly how they are.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

It breaks my heart that I have to tell my daughter that she has to change. I know that she understands it is to be healthy, but the mom part of me feels like I am telling my daughter she isn’t good enough as she is. And it isn’t even her fault. I feel like I have failed as a parent. But, she isn’t going to be making the changes alone. The weight management clinic will help our whole family.

Weight Management Clinic

So, this weight management clinic hosts kids with all sorts of issues ranging from obesity to diabetes to metabolic concerns. The kids go for the length of a program which lasts 6 or more visits depending on the needs of the kids. Aybra is expected to go for 6 visits, but it all depends on her future lab work and how well she does in the program.

We had our first visit this week where we met with a doctor and talked about some of our concerns. They wanted me to start restricting her calories, so I’ve begun tracking what she eats which has lead me to tracking my own. I don’t know about y’all but I always do better when I track what I eat. We will meet with a nutritionist at the next visit and discuss things like portion control and the five food groups. (Yeah, I’m not kidding!)

While I’m thankful that clinics like this exist to help, I almost feel like I am being treated as if I’m uneducated or just letting her sit around eating Cheetos and drinking Coke all day. I feel like asking for help with my concerns leads me to being treated like a bad parent at times.

Do you know how many overweight children have parents who have NEVER asked for help?

I know that we don’t always make the healthiest of choices and I know that there are things we need to change, but with the help of this weight management clinic, we will get to where we need to be to get healthy together, because it really is all about getting healthy. And while I wish for myself to no longer be as fat as I am now, I wish to be as fat as I once was.

What is your favorite way to track calories?