What I Learned From Being Single

What I Learned From Being Single

I’ve done a few other posts about being single. I know some of y’all are tired of hearing about it and feel like I’m beating a dead horse, but bear with me.. Being single has taught me a lot of things.

Here are just a few of them:

What I Learned From Being Single by Aduke Schulist

How To Manage Time

I’m not always the best at it, but I think I’m pretty good at getting things done. Being single has taught me to prioritize things and multi-task where needed. These things help me manage my time.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to take time for myself and to leave my house messy sometimes in order to do that because I know just how much I am actually capable of.

Aduke Schulist - Portrait at Riverside Park
Kaia recently helped me snap a few pictures of myself.
How To Use Tools

My mom taught me from an early age how to put stuff together. She had a tool box stocked with some tools. Mine is seriously lacking even some basic items. Throughout the years, my tool box has expanded and I’ve learned how to use tools I can’t even name properly. Just recently my mom helped me remove the drain pump from my washer and I replaced it all by myself today.

How To Be Alone & Entertain Myself

Are we ever really alone if we have Netflix?

Who is watching Netflix - Family Profiles - Aduke

I’m only kind of kidding.

One thing I miss is also something I cherish about being single.. I like the alone time and being able to watch or do whatever I want. On the other hand, being alone sucks and sometimes I find myself wishing I had somebody to share in the entertainment with.

The memories I am making now are memories my future husband will only get to hear about in the future.

The Qualities I Really Want In A Man

Having had many failed relationships in the past, I can confidently say the qualities I really want in a man (and those that would just be extras). I don’t think it’s being picky at all to know the qualities we are looking for in a man.

Every failed relationship has taught me something valuable for a future relationship.

Patience

Waiting. So much waiting. John Waller’s song While I’m Waiting has brought me peace at many times and reminded me to be patient.

Some Desires Don’t Die Down

I’ve always wanted a large family… but being single for so long just does something to keep that desire stirring. There is nobody to tell me that my family is complete, and the desire to expand my family hasn’t gone away.

Unfortunately, I won’t be doing that biologically now thanks to the news I received in this blog, but adopting is still in the works.

Faith

Faith is to hope of things that are unseen… and I have faith that the Lord has not forgotten me.  No matter how hard some days, or nights, may be, I have faith that my Heavenly Father knows exactly what He is doing with my life.

What are some lessons that being single, or being married taught you?

 

12 Favorite Blog Posts

12 Favorite Blog Posts

I recently celebrated 1 year of blogging here at Aduke Schulist, and while I sort of let the year slip by without doing as much as I wanted, I still marvel at the progress I made here. I am always so humbled that even 1 person finds interest in my writing, let alone all of you who faithfully read and comment – us bloggers live for comments – on Aduke Schulist.

In celebration of the past 12 months, I wanted to first share with you my 12 favorite blog posts from the past year.

12 Favorite Blog Posts by Aduke Schulist

1. Get Down Downtown 2016 – Outdoor Festival

One of my first posts on this new blog covered a yearly event called Get Down Downtown. Coincidentally that same event is coming up soon, so be on the lookout for this years coverage.
Get Down Downtown - Street Festival - Vendor Event 2016

2. Day Out at the Outlets of Little Rock

I enjoyed a girls day out with fellow blogging friend Tiffany while we shopped and learned about some of the great deals being offered by stores in the Outlets of Little Rock Shopping Mall (I still want those shoes! Why have I not bought them yet?!)

We had good food, good fun, and good memories. I can’t tell you how many times I have been back, but even the kids enjoy it.

Outlets of Little Rock

3. We are… ADOPTING! – Single Mom Adoption

We announced we are adopting. Since then, so much has changed, but not the desire to adopt. I have been putting off updating regarding the process, because there isn’t a whole lot to update at this time, but know that we are STILL planning on adopting! The time line has just been pushed back a bit while I hammer out some details.

4. Stand Still. Stay Strong. Have a VOICE.

It’s hard for me to stand up for myself and to speak my mind, but for 2017 I chose VOICE as my word of the year. With every decision I make, I am reminded of this word and what it means to me to have a say in my life.

I have noticed that I am a much stronger person because of this. I am not as easily intimidated. It has taken a lot of work, and is still a work in progress, but the progress is what’s important.

5. Fertility Awareness Method Explained and Tracking for Health

I gotta admit, I cringed myself when writing this post about the Fertility Awareness Method. Not because I don’t believe in it, but I was nervous of the reactions I would get. It still baffles me that some women are so ignorant about their own bodies. I was once one of them! Learning about my body and it’s functions has empowered me.

Ovulatory Cycle using Kindara for Fertility Awareness Method - Natural Birth Control

6. Mommy Med Spa Day – A Day Of Pampering and Pedicures

I joined Tiffany again for a day of pampering provided by the Rejuvenation Clinic Day Spa, Arkansas’s first med spa. That is a day I would love to re-live. Everything about the Spa was so relaxing, and my pedicure lasted for weeks!

Getting My Pedicure On At Rejuvenation Clinic Day Spa in Little Rock

7. 5 Reasons I Have Body Hair

Things got a little hairy when I shared 5 Reasons I Have Body Hair.

Woman with Armpit Hair - Natural Body Hair

I was surprised at how supportive some of the comments were. I was really expecting to be bombarded with how gross it is.

8. Boy Scout Camp & Disabilities

Both of my boys are in Boy Scouts, and this Summer, they both attended their first week long Boy Scout camp. Because of Losh’s disabilities and his need for assistance, I had to attend with him.
Boy Scout Camp - Camp Rockefeller - 2017

We had so much fun. I had hesitations with going, but looking back, it was a blast. I even learned how to tie a few knots myself.

9. 2016 Popsugar Reading Challenge

My love of reading was shared when I posted about the 2016 Popsugar Reading Challenge. Because of it, I found a few new favorite authors. This year, I did not participate in a reading challenge.

10. Why Being A Single Parent Is Awesome

My kids mean everything to me, and while parenting them alone is a challenge, there is so much to love. I shared some of my favorite things in Why Being A Single Parent Is Awesome.

11. Before You Get 4-H Chickens

My desire to raise chickens for eggs was somewhat fulfilled last year when we raised our first flock of baby chicks.

4-h-chickens-walking-in-food

Spoiler: most of them died, and we ultimately didn’t get a single egg, but learned a lot and are patiently awaiting an egg from our second flock of chickens.

12. Hashimoto’s and Dietary Changes

Sharing my health journey began when I learned that I had Hashimoto’s and started taking medication to treat it. I posted about how I am making dietary changes to help keep this in check…

Thyroid Medication for Hashimoto's Levothyroxine

It’s hard y’all! I’m still struggling with removing gluten from my diet, but have drastically reduced my intake. I don’t notice any difference yet.

So, there you have it.. my 12 favorite posts from the last 12 months. I hope you took the time to view a few of these as you were making your way down the list. Tell me below in the comments…

Which one of these was your favorite?

Reasons Why I Am Single

I Don’t Want To Be Single

Those who know me know that I am single…

And I don’t want to be.

When I say that I don’t want to be single, most people assume that I am unhappy in my current situation and that I think I need a man. Let’s clear this up… I’m not running around asking guys to date me, nor am I so desperate to find a match that I would just settle for anything. I am happy with my current situation. I am happy with myself. But, I also want to share my happiness with somebody else. I want a partner and a role model for my children. And I want somebody who will be there long after the children move out. God didn’t create people to be alone.

When I talk about not wanting to be single, I’m not looking for somebody to tell me that I am pretty* or a great woman and that I will find somebody one day. I don’t want to be told that I should focus on my children. And I don’t want to be made to feel bad for wanting a relationship.

(*Sidenote: I really hate when people say this because I feel like that puts my worth on my beauty and goes against everything I believe in.)

Online Dating – Been There. Done That.

So, I recently joined eHarmony… It only lasted about 2 months. (Sidenote: I DO NOT recommend them at all!) I was very specific with what I wanted based on the questions they asked. They told me to lower my standards in order to get some matches.

So I did.

And the matches just weren’t working. For one, people rarely responded to messages. There is no way to see when somebody was last active. And I was getting matched with everything I did NOT want.

I know that my circumstances aren’t for everyone. I know that I am what some people do not want. I have kids… I have kids with special needs. I have never been married. And my children don’t share the same father. All that aside, I’ve been thinking about reasons why I am really single. The reasons that sometimes hurt to think about.

Reasons Why I Am Really Single

Reasons Why I am Single by Aduke Schulist

This is what I have come up with… These are the real reasons I am single.. and what I am working on changing (or not).

I’m not outspoken. I don’t speak up for myself and I don’t have a demanding personality. I am very shy which sometimes comes across as being rude or uninterested.

I lack self-esteem (to a certain extent) and fear approaching guys who I think are too good for me. In fact, I don’t approach any guys. I believe in traditional rules saying the guy should ask the girl.

I am too independent. I haven’t ever had somebody to help me do things and it is hard to relinquish some of those roles.

I’m comfortable being single and refuse to settle. I’m not picky, but I know my limits and what I won’t tolerate (abuse, cheating, etc)

I don’t meet new people. The majority of the things I do involve the same small crowds and I have been content with that.

I’ve changed as a person over the years (haven’t we all?!) and I’ve grown into myself and what I believe. I am very passionate in some of these beliefs. I am myself and I’m unapologetic for it.

I want a real relationship, not just some hookup or somebody to do fun things with but have no commitment.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Knowing all of those things, I have some goals to work towards like getting out to meet new people and opening myself up to rejection.

While I have blogged some about being single (mostly focusing on single parenting), I haven’t ever really opened up and shared the genuine struggle that is being a single parent in search of marriage. As I walk this journey I invite you all to read along and share your thoughts or tips.

 

 

Hey, It’s Okay

This is a collab and linkup with Airing My Laundry. She got the idea from Glamour magazine. You can add your links until Sunday.

Hey, It’s Okay

Hey, It's Okay to do these things a little bit differently... #motivation

  • to sleep in on a weekday. We homeschool!
  • to leave the laundry unfolded for 2…..weeks.
  • to have hot dogs for lunch two days in a row.
  • to keep an eye on your kids’ social media profiles.
  • to spend a little too much time on YouTube.
  • to WANT to date as a single mom.
  • to say no to a friend who needs help if you can’t provide the help they need.
  • to not feel guilty for saying no.
  • to have no idea what you are going to cook for dinner at 4pm.
  • to drink out of the milk jug.. Oops!
  • to have no clue what you are doing as a Boy Scout mom.

In a world where we are pressured to fit in and be perfect, what are you okay with doing differently? 

Don’t forget to leave your links at Airing My Laundry’s blog.

 

Sickness Survival Kit

How To Survive Any Illness: The Sickness Survival Kit

Y’all, I recently went through hell.

Of course I don’t mean that literally. But I felt like my entire body had betrayed me. It started, innocently enough, as a slight fever and a headache. I thought it would be one of those “here today, gone tomorrow” types of illnesses.

Oh boy was I wrong! 

I had a non-stop fever for days.

Days, y’all! 

I don’t have time to be sick. I’m a single mom and when I’m sick, my entire life stops.

This recent illness kicked my butt! I was too sick to even go to the doctor. Luckily, I have some family in town and they made sure I didn’t need anything and that the kids had plenty of food. They mostly survived off of Pop-Tarts and cereal amongst other forms of junk food. That’s when I started thinking about the things we should keep on hand when sick. I’m going to call it the Sickness Survival Kit. Here is what I would put in mine:

Pop-Tarts, Cereal, and other “Feed Yourself!” foods

If it weren’t for Pop-Tarts, Lucky Charms, and Doritos, my kids may have starved while I was sick. That’s only a slight exaggeration. They may not be the healthiest foods, but they worked.

Don’t Forget Chicken Nuggets

Kids cannot live off of breakfast/cold foods alone. Even kids get tired of their favorite foods. If they are old enough to cook, then have something hot they can make themselves. Chicken nuggets is a huge step up from cereal for the 7th time today.

Cash

Seriously, you will need this to pay the delivery person who comes to bring your kids dinner for the 5th night in a row.

Extra Tylenol / Ibuprofen

During one of the first days I realized I was allergic to the tylenol I had on hand and ended up running out of Ibuprofen. Here I am, days into the sickness, finally feeling well enough for a shower.

Sidenote: This is the thermometer I use to track my fertility and menstrual cycles

Netflix / Streaming Video

When I wasn’t sleeping, I was watching Netflix. I have never binged watched so much TV in my entire life. I watched so much that I ran out of things to watch. It’s good to keep your options open.

Rok, our husky, enjoyed breaking the rules and getting on the bed with me. He watched the chickens while I watched Netflix.

Amazing Family

Between my mom and the kids’ grandpa, we didn’t lack anything. They came over, made my kids clean up the mess that was masquerading as my house, and even brought the kids food.

I’m glad to say that I am finally feeling better, though still have a headache. I’m waiting to hear from my doctor to see if the labs they ran showed anything. They said it could be a couple weeks. In the meantime, my kids are enjoying some proper home cooked meals, but would probably rather not be cleaning.

Update July 15th, 2017: Turns out that sickness was pretty bad! I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, one of the most severe tick borne illnesses there is with approximately a 20% mortality rate which drops to 5% if treatment is started within the first few days of illness. Luckily I was put on the exact medication needed and didn’t need to be hospitalized.